A Small Warning

While Simon and I are doing this to keep our friends/family/acquaintences in the know and so that we can remember the experience - we know that a great many people forget the insane emotions that go through them at a time like this. They remember joy, nervousness and excitement but tend to forget things like annoyance, anger and exhaustion. This is also a little bit of an experiment for us as well as (hopefully) a bit of reality for someone else out there who wants a bit of a real play-by-play of the emotional rollercoaster of childbirth and parenting. ...granted, I know that my experience is only one...but hey...still worth trying.

That said, not all of this blog is going to be happy and shiny. There will be some real, raw emotions here and we're going to express them pretty openly. We hope that this doesn't make anyone feel as if we're in any way unhappy about the birth of our son or that we're somehow not excited or don't love him. For us, this is the reality of things that people don't really talk about or express. I think that is extremely important to remember.

We may use foul language. ...you're warned.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tuesday September 14th, 2010 - 3:59pm

Feeling rather like an awful mother.

I don't know if it's the caesarean or not, but I seem to need (actually NEED) at least ten hours of sleep a day. I was never very quick with waking up but for some reason, since Xander's birth, I am an even heavier sleeper. He'll be screaming his head off for ten or fifteen minutes before I'll wake up - or Simon will have to yell to wake me up, at which point I open my eyes and immediately close them and fall asleep again.

Occasionally I'll wake up to Xander screaming and Simon trying to console him and will notice that Simon is getting rather frustrated. I'll try to stay awake and will struggle to keep my eyes open, failing miserably.

When I'm awake, I wonder what kind of mother would do this.

I worry constantly about when Simon goes back to work. How the Hell will he get good sleep if he's being kept up all night by a screaming baby and I can't stay conscious to help out? Why can't I wake up or stay awake?

On another note, I've been fainting regularly for the last week or so. Even when I don't go down completely I'll lose my balance and black out a moment and stumble into a wall. Fully intending to go and see a doctor - but can't get an appointment until Friday, blargh.

Feeling depressed, need lunch.

Oh...one really nifty thing? It's been 20 days since giving birth and I have lost 19 kilos (That's 42 pounds for those of you who use Imperial). I actually only gained 12 kilos (26lbs) during my pregnancy so this is a pleasant surprise. I'm not really exercising at all (okay so I don't consider things like mowing the lawn, chopping kindling, cleaning the house, gardening, grocery shopping, moving furniture and boxes and such to be exercise but apparently some people do) but have been eating rather well. I doubt this will continue much longer so I may as well enjoy it while it lasts...
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